I am fairly certain that most of you at one time or another have encountered one or more of those whimsically humorous paintings from the fine series of poker playing dogs from the anthropomorphic imagination of Cassius Coolidge. These paintings feature a comfortably middle-class group of canines, dressed appropriately for the occasion in a dark poker den enjoying a rousing game of poker. Turns out they may not be so whimsical, but the poker players of whimsy are not our canine friends, they are poker playing primates. That ape icon of a player on your online poker site might be – an ape. Technological advancements of today include the IT company, Primate Programming Inc. Yes, they have taught primates how to play poker and win. Primates not only wield tools to improve their lives they wield cards.

Primate Programming Inc has established that great apes (sharing 97% of their DNA with us) make efficient IT specialists. Individuals are employed by PPI, undergo training and offer their services to PPI clients for peanuts. A later PPI discovery was that the same employees, for purposes of pastime or secondary sources of income, are capable of being taught to play online poker, evincing particular talent for no-limit Texas Hold’em.

They favor no-limit poker, PPI informs us, because of their proclivity for playful (or half-playful) displays of aggression. In other words, the apes are naturally great at aggressive bluffing. In no-limit games, a player has the possibility to bet all they have at any time – this requires risky, aggressive play and the ability to bluff.

Since there is no way to identify the poker players online due to its anonymous nature, no one knows if their opponents are human or something other than human. That player who started off betting small and showing his lame cards to all, the one who much later bet large, had everyone call, then gleefully showed aces was probably one of the non-humans. The players had no idea he then jumped up and down, pounded his chest and demanded a banana.

The primate-players’ initial employment as computer programmers is not coincidental. It seems, according to PPI, that they independently develop programs which aide them during games. The nature of these programs has not yet been revealed. One thing is sure: “DrDestructo” and “ThePikerMan” could have a full-time professional (online) poker career, if only they wanted to. Outside the laboratory/office, they may neglect their training and prefer the old game of hurtling themselves at the bars of zoo cages and then grin their monkey grin at the startled adults and children. Still, as long as they are paid and fed regular, with bonuses, and are allowed to mate, David Sklansky and Ed Miller may need to update their No-limit Hold’em books in the nearest future.

For the past several years, Norm McAuliffe, a Yale biology Phd and the scientist heading the research team behind the discovery of programmer apes, has been investing money and effort into a Primate Poker Inc, “hiring” profitable ape-players to play for money in rotating shifts, 24 hours a day. He has been quoted as saying: “I’m completely committed to this business model. It is reasonable to say I am “all in”.

The author is a successful limit cash game player. He plays poker online and receives Fortune Rakeback as well as True Rakeback.